Whew! Today is my lucky day! I got this email today that says:
"PLEASE READ THIS NOTICE CAREFULLY
"Congratulations! You have received this Notice because the records of PayPal, Inc. indicate you are a current or former PayPal account holder who has been deemed eligible to receive a payment from the class action settlement in accordance with PayPal Litigation, Case No. 02 1227 JF PVT, pending in the United States District Court for the Northern District of California in San Jose.
"In your specific case you have been found to be eligible for a payment of $88.99 USD."
Hee! $88.99 USD! Can you believe it!
I never win anything!
Wow! This must be an international class action suit because they have to put "USD" after the amount. That means U.S. Dollars so someone in New Zealand or Canada doesn't get confused and think they're entitled to NZD or CAD.
I never even heard of this class action before! And I never even spent $88.99 in my entire history with PayPal!
I just cannot believe how lucky I am.
Now, what do I have to do to get my $88.99 USD?
Let's read on.
"Confirm Your Bank Account.
"The aforementioned settlement funds may be transferred directly to your bank account providing you have a linked card. The funds may not be credited directly to your PayPal account as this would render Paypal to be accumulating interest and thus profiting on litigation settlement funds which contravenes Federal law. Your bank account will be credited within 7 days upon submission of account details."
Is it my imagination or does this writer kinda talk funny? He sounds like a furriner if you ask me. See, I work in a law firm and I understand legalese, so I know it's not funny sounding because it's written by a lawyer. Unless it's a foreign lawyer who learned English as a second language. From a British teacher.
Oh, well. Maybe his rates are lower than anyone they could find in the U.S. Or maybe the original party to the class action was a furriner and hired someone he could relate to.
"To credit your bank account please click here.
Don't forget to check your bank account for the PayPal deposits and get Verified!"
"If you are seeking an alternate method of receiving your funds PayPal will be contacting those who do not submit their details by the 31th of March with instructions to receive a cheque in the mail. However this will incur a 7.5% processing fee deducted from the settlement amount and therefore PayPal only recommends this option to those users who do not currently have a bank account with linked Bank Card."
31th, huh? That's funny! I say that sometimes, too, just for a joke. This foreigner has a real good sense of humo(u)r. It's even funnier when you say "32th" because it sounds like "thirty-tooth." I wonder if he says that, too. I need to meet this guy!
"Please Note that under United States federal law credit cards are not a legally approved method of settlement for Class Action suits and cannot be processed for transferal of funds in this case."
"This notice is a summary and does not describe all details of the settlement. For full details of the matters discussed in this notice, you may wish to review the Settlement Agreement dated January 11, 2005 and on file with the Court or visit https://www.paypal.com/settlement/. Complete copies of the Settlement Agreement and all other pleadings and papers filed in the lawsuit are also available for inspection and copying during regular business hours, at the Office of the Clerk of the Court, United States District Court for the Northern District of California, 280 South First Street, San Jose, California 95113."
Hmmm. I know that court. Filed a few things there myself. In fact, I could send our service over to get a copy of those papers during regular business hours so I can inspect them. Of course, it would kind of eat into my $88.99 USD to pay the service for the trip and the copying.
This is sounding more and more legit, isn't it?
"DATED: September 02, 2005
BY ORDER OF THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE NORTHERN DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA"
Okay, now that's weird. (Scratching chin....) I mean, this arrived on September 1st (oops. September 1th) my time. And my time is San Jose time. Courts don't usually date things in advance. That much I know. And here this thing is dated September 2th.
Oh, I get it! I think this is just like that test they give you in school to see how well you follow instructions. The one that has as step one, "Read the entire test through before beginning." Then at the end it tells you to disregard all the instructions after number one. So the people who can't follow instructions are picking up their pencils and writing their names and making circles and squares around them and all sorts of stuff that are in steps 2 through the end and the people who can follow instructions are just sitting there doing nothing.
Like I said, today is my lucky day. Luckily, I passed that test and I've been READING THIS NOTICE CAREFULLY just like it says.
Know what else? If you enter the referenced website (https://www.paypal.com/settlement/) into your browser (rather than link to it), you find out that PayPal has put a huge notice to their customers that THIS EMAIL IS A PHISHING SCAM!
Yup, my lucky day. I got to forward something to email@example.com and get phodder for my blog all in one day.