As my days at the office wind down, I am getting blindsided by something I hadn't predicted. It seems stupid that I wouldn't have realized it, stupid is the name of the game when you're reeling from a heavy loss.
Every day another coworker says good-bye. Every. Single. Day.
I've built walls of protection around myself, only to find I've walled in something forgotten. Then I have to build another wall within the first, and another, and another, until I find myself looking through the windows (never one to completely close myself off, I put windows in my walls) at important things that I am not dealing with right now.
Things like flu shots and washing the windows and getting the last little bit of filing done.
It's at times like these that my tendency to organize every facet of my life comes in handy. I'm making lists.
Someday, after I've landed on my feet, I'll pick up the lists and start ticking things off.
But right now, adding "talk to the recruiter" and "set an appointment for an interview" and "get a haircut" to my usual daily routine is about the most change I can tolerate.
Top of the daily routine list is "when you've finished crying, remember to smile."
When I took pictures of my coworker wearing the hat I'd made her, one of them showed the address of the building where we work so I left it out of the blog. Now that it's no secret anymore, I include it as a memento of our years here.